Rituals and Reunions

November 4, 2025

This past weekend saw a convergence of many seasonal milestones. Halloween, Day of the Dead, Samhain and a return to Standard Time all happened within 48 hours. It was the 60^th birthday of a dear friend that included a lovely dinner out for seafood and formal party with even more mutual friends and their families I had not seen in ages. Some of us attended a concert on Sunday afternoon, too, where we danced to the music of our parents’ generation with a backdrop of autumnal splendor and a distinct chill in the air. It felt like a festival of rituals and reunions as we acknowledged the passing of time and remembered loved ones with whom we are no longer able to celebrate.

Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays for decades. My kids and I enjoyed the costumes and dressing up was a big highlight. I have many happy memories of taking my boys to pick out costumes or to purchase supplies to make their own.  It also was one of the low stress holidays that did not involve me doing a deep cleaning of my house or preparing for days to serve a big meal. It is not quite the same without my own kids getting ready for trick or treating, but I enjoy the little kids on our street, and we always attend the neighborhood party at least for a short while to “ooh and ahh” about the cute kids to their parents. Each year, at least 50 ghouls, goblins, superheroes and princesses march up to our door hoping for a bit of candy while we watch “The Great Pumkin” or another classic Halloween movie.  

This year, I also attended two events that acknowledged the passing of our relatives and harkened to Native Mexican and Celtic traditions. My niece organized a Day of the Dead gathering at the cemetery where her grandparents are interred. A small handful of family members met in the early November sun to reminisce about four important family members who have passed. We swapped funny stories about them, especially hoping to share their essence with the two young nieces who will never have the chance to get to know them in person. We placed photographs and mementos on the family marker. The youngest nieces sprinkled marigold petals and danced to the music of “Coco” while the adults pulled together an informal picnic of items our loved ones enjoyed. Sour patch kids for Alex, Hungarian Nut roll for Nana and Papa, cookies for Joe, cheese, pear slices, apples slices and caramel for them all. I’d love to think the four deceased relatives knew we were remembering them and that perhaps the 4 ravens I saw as we left the cemetery were sent as a thank you.

Nick and I were also invited to a get-together with neighborhood friends. Kim and Abbie created an amazing remembrance ritual with a bonfire, candles and more opportunity to share about the many loved ones we have lost in recent years. Hot cider and cozy blankets kept us warm on the chilly evening and harkened back to our Covid gatherings of 2020 and 2021. This time, however, we did not need masks or to stay socially distant. Instead, we bonded in our loss, let go of our fears and set intentions for the future. It was a meaningful way to acknowledge the grief and the growth we have all been through.

One of my favorite things about being American is the mishmash of traditions that make up our culture. So many celebrations in the U.S. come from European or Native traditions and have been altered by the church or distance. Few holidays feel distinctly American, but I believe we have put our own spin on each of them in positive ways. Perhaps, if we can all focus on the values of family and tradition, some of the recent vitriol and ugliness will dissipate? I expect we all want our children to be able to enjoy simple joys like trick-or-treating, to live in a safe community where we feel seen and valued, and we all mourn our dead. These are some of the things that make us human. I personally want to focus on our shared values and let go of the rest.