Kindness

9-29-26

I am done. The political divide in this country has gotten out of hand. Although I strongly support one side and believe that there are some terrifying trends in our nation and the world right now, I am sick and tired of the constant gesturing, postulating, pontificating and endless social media posts. At this point, I mute or unfollow folks who can only talk about their distress or repeatedly post rude memes. As an educator and a retired librarian, I do follow the news, and I attempt to find the most neutral sources available. I feel it is my civic duty to vote in each election and to stay informed. But I don’t want my whole life to be politics, judgement and disdain for those who don’t agree with me.

Once upon a time, Americans were just Democrats, Republicans and sometimes Independents. Neighbors put up signs at election time, and you often knew how they voted, but it did not mean you could not speak civilly to each other across the fence. Would you cut off all contact with someone who hated your sports team or your preferred dogs to cats? Back in the 80s, I had strong opinions and argued all the salient points of my side to any who would listen. In the 90s, I became a public-school teacher. In this capacity I was expected to be neutral in front of the students and if politics came up, to foster an even debate while quashing any name calling or rudeness. I was taught to redirect and get back to the lesson or topic at hand after a brief interlude into discussion of the current event.

As an adult,  I began to realize that most Americans want many of the same things in life: a safe place to live, good schools for our children, clean water, air and food, an occasional vacation and freedom to practice our choice of religion, read what we want and support the causes that are meaningful to us. Where we differ is in how we think we can best achieve these goals. Again, I will emphasize, I do think there are better ways to go about running our society and our government. I just don’t believe our differences mean everything.

Recently, I spent some time with friends who are on the opposite side of the political divide from me. They have lost multidecade friendships in recent years over politics. Two friends ended things with a long letter outlining why they could no longer tolerate their  differences. I have other friends who no longer speak to siblings or whose children refuse to even speak to them if they run into each other in public. To me, this seems ridiculous. I can understand some healthy boundaries or certainly the need to come to an agreement not to discuss controversial subjects if the talk becomes heated. Throwing out the baby with the bath water seems too extreme.  Aren’t we supposed to learn from each other? How are we ever supposed to resolve the conflicts in our country if we are no longer speaking with each other? Rational debate is healthy.

Perhaps the best thing about being the mother of an addict who died of an overdose is that I have attended hundreds of support group meetings where we are told to keep our politics outside of the rooms in the opening statement. I am thrilled that I do not know how most  people in these groups lean on social issues, or who they support in elections. I don’t want that knowledge if it will impede me from hearing their messages of hope and recovery. I don’t want to know even if I agree with folks in the room. Outside issues distract from healing and support.

Many Americans have lost touch with the humanity of our neighbors. There are so many things we have in common other than politics. Most of us enjoy a nice sunny day, watching our kids grow up and the first crisp cool day of autumn. We worry about our aging parents and adult children who have fledged into the world. Perhaps it is time to fight back against the algo rhythms, the 24-hour news cycle and the people who insist on yelling each other down? Perhaps it would be smart to return to the rules our grandparents had of eschewing talk of politics, religion and sex outside of the home? In my family there are people on both sides of the aisle. I have friends on both sides as well.  I can guarantee that when I lost my son to overdose,  I did not  check people’s voting record or political leanings as they offered casseroles, hugs, prayers or words of kindness.

Life is too precious and too short to focus so much attention on division and discord. I wonder if we as a nation could attempt to be kind to everyone once more, how much of the vast divide would recede? For that matter, each of our central nervous systems might get a chance to recover with that shift, too. “Be kind” is the message on wooden signs a neighbor started distributing a few years ago. It certainly couldn’t hurt to try!