As I drove out of the parking lot at about 11:15 am on Friday, I blasted this old Who song on my stereo. 33 years as a high school educator in the books: computer turned in, keys returned, office empty. I was struck by a sense of elation mixed with utter exhaustion that still lingers 3 days later. I think it will take some time to adjust. In all honesty, I have been running on adrenaline since Alex died three summers ago, and it will require more than just extra sleep to recharge my reserves.
What will the next chapter bring? I took a moonlit stroll with two close friends last night to enjoy the blue moon as it rose over Bandy Field. The air was cool and the humidity low. It was a perfect time to walk around the park as the moon rose over the trees to the east of us. Afterwards, we sipped some herbal tea, nibbled a bit of chocolate and lit candles as we caught up about our children, our spouses and our careers. In truth, many of my friends are at a time of big transition. Our children are grown. Our careers are shifting or ending. For some parents have passed on and now it is time to step into the role of family matriarch.
For over 3 decades, my identity has been caught up in raising kids and being a teacher. Who am I now that those are no longer my main responsibilities? I am sure I will fill the void with new activities and new people. My hope is that I don’t rush into large commitments, but that I find time for activities I love like writing, walking in nature and spending time with friends. Those things and extra sleep will be big priorities as I rebuild my stamina. I can certainly fill some time with home care projects and gardening, yet I know that will not be enough. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mother or wife, and it still does not sound appealing in retirement. I love to travel but can only afford a few smaller trips or one big trip a year on what I saved as a teacher and a librarian. As always, I will need some creativity to find free or low-cost activities that I enjoy supplementing the grander plans. Fortunately, I have a lot of experience finding those.
For now, I will continue to teach reading part-time two days a week as a volunteer at the Healing Place. I enjoy my time there and look forward to starting with a new student tomorrow. That feels useful and gives me a chance to connect with men in recovery from substance abuse. Alex would want me to help in this capacity.
The local library will be a stop this week as I seek novels and nonfiction to inspire me. A new writing class begins tomorrow as well, and Nick and I head to the beach for our anniversary on Thursday. Ahh, I like the way this chapter has started out!
Mindful Musings 