Isolation vs. Solitude

January 6, 2025

This weekend I attended a meeting in which the chairperson brought the topic of isolation vs. solitude. She opened with some research that she had done, shared her own thoughts and then threw the query out to the group to discuss. People in the group had a lot to share and I listened with intent to each thought presented.

I did not respond in the meeting but for the better part of the next 24 hours I contemplated the subtle differences between the two words that describe being alone and the ideas presented by others. Truth be told, I like solitude. I crave time to be with my thoughts and I need the silence of meditation to hear messages from my higher power. As an only child I learned to play happily by myself and as an adult I have found many solitary hobbies that I greatly enjoy. Decades ago, I took the Meyers Briggs Personality inventory and learned that I am an introvert, so it makes sense that being alone is when I recharge. Often, I am by myself when I read, write in my journal, take walks, garden or do yoga. I can easily amuse myself for hours if time allows and I have learned to build blocks of solitude into my daily schedule, especially first thing in the morning and just before bedtime. For over 30 years I have taught high school. At work I interact with many classes and individual students and staff throughout my workday. I come home exhausted from giving so much of myself to others.  A 30-minute walk before dinner has been my traditional weekday recharge. It took the intense grief I have experienced since the loss of my eldest child in 2023, to help me recognize that I need to build in small breaks to refill my energy after a busy class or lots of one-on-one interactions, during the workday. I have taken to walking outside if the weather permits at lunch or in the late afternoon for a few minutes. For me, solitude is a very positive part of my life.

Isolation, on the other hand, has negative connotations. For addicts or people with compulsive behaviors that they practice out of sight of others, isolation can be dangerous. I do not want to be isolated from others either, although those are not my specific struggles.  Isolating is detrimental to my mental health. Even as a devout introvert, I crave human connection. Specifically, I seek a peer group of people who understand my challenges and can help me to celebrate my triumphs. At least several times a week I connect with others in support groups for grief, families of addicts or with long-term friends. Fun interactions are as important as serious ones. I love to get together for long walks with girlfriends where we can exercise our bodies, share exquisite scenery and connect on a deep level about our lives. I also enjoy small social gatherings over meals, occasional parties, food festivals, musical performances or plays and writing in community. Last year I took both mosaic and collage classes with friends. Art practiced with friends is an area I would like to delve more deeply into as opportunities arise.

Nonetheless, I am grateful for the time I spend alone each day and for the awareness that I need to give myself a chance to recharge daily. I was a “cranky Mommy” if I did not get enough time between work and home when my kids were young. Now, I strive not to be a cranky colleague, friend or family member, by building in adequate breaks and solitude. So, as I move into the new year, balance will be the key as I decide which social engagements to accept and when I need to turn inward for self-care.